Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Day 11: Practice Makes Better! Or … Progress Not Perfection.

The challenge today was to take something I did yesterday and repeat it, trying to improve my performance. Since yesterday was my meditation day, I figured I’d focus on that. After all, I’ve been trying to improve in this area for years.

Yesterday I had a pretty successful walking meditation, but today’s rain wasn’t going to permit me to use that method again. So I’d just have to carve out a 15-minute period to sit quietly instead.

Easier said than done.

8:00 – I begin my workday. Lots of emails and jobs to review. If I try to meditate now, all I will think about is what I have to do, so I decide to wait a bit.

9:00 – The doorbell rings and it’s the salesman from Andersen windows to give us a quote on a new sliding glass door. Dog begins to bark madly – no work OR meditation is possible.

10:00 – The window guy leaves and I go to the gym. I figure maybe I’ll do some walking meditation on the elliptical. The first machine I get on keeps shutting down every five minutes so I move. Then a couple of old guys on the stationary bikes behind me decide to have a loud conversation. I finally give up and read my book.

11:00 – I go back to work. If my husband goes ice skating, I will have the house to myself and be able to meditate. He doesn’t.

1:00 – I break for lunch. I’ve heard that one can practice mindfulness meditation while eating, becoming aware of the food one is eating, bite by bite. This sounds dubious at best, bringing to mind the idea of chewing 20 times before swallowing, a practice that makes the texture of the food resemble the stuff I feed Oreo every morning. Somehow this doesn't seem likely to improve my spiritual condition any. So I turn on City Confidential instead and chow down a leftover piece of chicken while watching a story about a murder in a small Texas town. The day is obviously deteriorating.

1:30 – Back to work. I hint to my husband that if he’s going to the gym, he might want to go early since I’m making dinner for 6:00. No response.

3:00 – Falling asleep at my desk so I heat up a cup of coffee.

4:45 – Hubby goes to the gym. Here’s my chance … but it will soon be time to start cooking dinner so there’s no way I can just sit somewhere quietly without thinking of what I’m supposed to be doing. But wait … cooking is one of those things that I love to do. Something I can really get into … something that calms me down after a long crazy day … something I can actually practice MINDFULNESS while doing!

So that’s what I do. I work on creating a spaghetti frittata (except I use leftover penne pasta instead of spaghetti). I assemble my ingredients, chop onions and tomatoes, mix eggs and milk and cheese, add the pasta. I set aside the bowl.

I have a few extra minutes, so I decide to clean a little. Cleaning is another thing that – strange as it sounds – relaxes me. Puts me in a contemplative mood. There’s nothing like shiny small appliances and clean counters to make me feel satisfied. Must be the ghost of my 1950’s mom being channeled through me. I clean the coffee pot till it gleams, brush the crumbs out of the toaster oven and wipe it down, and spray Windex on the backsplash.

I think about my house, how excited I was when we moved here over 12 years ago. The dreams I had, the relief I felt getting off our old block, how OCD I was about organizing my cabinets and drawers. Oh, and how much SPACE I had in this kitchen compared with my old one! And although the appliances have aged and some have been replaced, I still get the same feeling of satisfaction when I enter the kitchen every night to cook dinner.

Kitchen meditation? Maybe I’ve invented something new. Which could be pretty awesome.

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