Now here’s a task that I can definitely sink my teeth into. The directive: “Stand up for yourself! If only for today, tell people how you feel.” Whoa! This is truly awesome! Permission to vent, to kvetch, to bitch and piss and moan to my heart’s content.
But wait … that’s not what it said, is it? It said to stand up for myself. And while I don’t want my “self” to be a doormat, I don’t really want it to be the dragon lady either. Sigh. It’s more of this balance stuff again, isn’t it?
So let’s rethink this task. A friend of mine once rattled off this one-liner she learned in Al-Anon: “Say what you mean but don’t say it mean.” At the time I thought it was totally lame, but it was one of those things that stuck in my head. Kinda like Taylor Swift songs. “When you’re 15 … somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe him …” (See? Now you’ve got the ear worm. Told ya!)
But back to the subject at hand:
Is there a way to stand up for myself, to tell people how I feel without going from zero to bitch in 10 seconds? Today I am going to find out …
---------------------------------------------
My first opportunity turned out to be a missed one, in a way. Without going into detail (name withheld to protect the guilty), a person who has been causing a lot of grief in my life and the lives of some of my friends once again decided to create drama. Although I had a chance to say what was on my mind, I chose to remain silent, basically because I doubted that anything I had to say would be received well. Or even rationally. And it probably would have resulted in harsh words, raised voices and very possibly a felony. Sometimes standing up for myself means sitting down and shutting up.
The next opportunity came when my son (the one who will not friend me) called me. This is a fairly uncommon occurrence, and as luck would have it his phone died mid-conversation and we finished our “talk” via text messaging. Ours is a relationship filled with sarcastic humor, but today I had something serious to impart. So after our requisite banter, I texted him some parental advice about looking for a job. It’s amazing how silent a phone's texting function can get! But at least I did not miss my chance to remind him that the First National Bank of Mom & Dad was not planning on extending him any more credit in the near future. Sometimes standing up for myself means I don’t get to win the popularity contest.
And my last opportunity to stand up for myself came when FedEx failed to pick up a package I’d scheduled for pickup the day before. More than a little angry, I called the 800 # and went through their menu of five billion options that didn’t fit my situation before finally being offered a customer service representative. Of course that person was not located in America – is anyone? And of course, although she was most apologetic, as CSRs are trained to be, there was nothing that could be done to get the package there on time without incurring more expense, even though I escalated the problem to the supervisory level (this time someone in Cincinnati, praise God) and from there to tech support. The bottom line is that the person who wrote the instructions for the FedEx website undoubtedly does not claim English as his or her mother tongue. I do this stuff for a living. If I can’t follow the instructions, they are obviously unclear. And probably designed to create new “revenue streams” for FedEx when missed deliveries occur. After about 15 minutes on the phone, I could feel my blood pressure rising and my inner bitch screaming to get out. So I cut the conversation short with a promise to take my business elsewhere, and hung up. Sometimes standing up for myself means recognizing a lose-lose situation and walking away.
So what have I learned about standing up for myself? That it's not always easy, that it doesn't always have a happy ending, and that it doesn't always result in everything going my way. But it still feels good to know that I exhausted all the options, took care of myself, and can now leave the outcome up to the Big Guy.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Day 11: Practice Makes Better! Or … Progress Not Perfection.
The challenge today was to take something I did yesterday and repeat it, trying to improve my performance. Since yesterday was my meditation day, I figured I’d focus on that. After all, I’ve been trying to improve in this area for years.
Yesterday I had a pretty successful walking meditation, but today’s rain wasn’t going to permit me to use that method again. So I’d just have to carve out a 15-minute period to sit quietly instead.
Easier said than done.
8:00 – I begin my workday. Lots of emails and jobs to review. If I try to meditate now, all I will think about is what I have to do, so I decide to wait a bit.
9:00 – The doorbell rings and it’s the salesman from Andersen windows to give us a quote on a new sliding glass door. Dog begins to bark madly – no work OR meditation is possible.
10:00 – The window guy leaves and I go to the gym. I figure maybe I’ll do some walking meditation on the elliptical. The first machine I get on keeps shutting down every five minutes so I move. Then a couple of old guys on the stationary bikes behind me decide to have a loud conversation. I finally give up and read my book.
11:00 – I go back to work. If my husband goes ice skating, I will have the house to myself and be able to meditate. He doesn’t.
1:00 – I break for lunch. I’ve heard that one can practice mindfulness meditation while eating, becoming aware of the food one is eating, bite by bite. This sounds dubious at best, bringing to mind the idea of chewing 20 times before swallowing, a practice that makes the texture of the food resemble the stuff I feed Oreo every morning. Somehow this doesn't seem likely to improve my spiritual condition any. So I turn on City Confidential instead and chow down a leftover piece of chicken while watching a story about a murder in a small Texas town. The day is obviously deteriorating.
1:30 – Back to work. I hint to my husband that if he’s going to the gym, he might want to go early since I’m making dinner for 6:00. No response.
3:00 – Falling asleep at my desk so I heat up a cup of coffee.
4:45 – Hubby goes to the gym. Here’s my chance … but it will soon be time to start cooking dinner so there’s no way I can just sit somewhere quietly without thinking of what I’m supposed to be doing. But wait … cooking is one of those things that I love to do. Something I can really get into … something that calms me down after a long crazy day … something I can actually practice MINDFULNESS while doing!
So that’s what I do. I work on creating a spaghetti frittata (except I use leftover penne pasta instead of spaghetti). I assemble my ingredients, chop onions and tomatoes, mix eggs and milk and cheese, add the pasta. I set aside the bowl.
I have a few extra minutes, so I decide to clean a little. Cleaning is another thing that – strange as it sounds – relaxes me. Puts me in a contemplative mood. There’s nothing like shiny small appliances and clean counters to make me feel satisfied. Must be the ghost of my 1950’s mom being channeled through me. I clean the coffee pot till it gleams, brush the crumbs out of the toaster oven and wipe it down, and spray Windex on the backsplash.
I think about my house, how excited I was when we moved here over 12 years ago. The dreams I had, the relief I felt getting off our old block, how OCD I was about organizing my cabinets and drawers. Oh, and how much SPACE I had in this kitchen compared with my old one! And although the appliances have aged and some have been replaced, I still get the same feeling of satisfaction when I enter the kitchen every night to cook dinner.
Kitchen meditation? Maybe I’ve invented something new. Which could be pretty awesome.
Yesterday I had a pretty successful walking meditation, but today’s rain wasn’t going to permit me to use that method again. So I’d just have to carve out a 15-minute period to sit quietly instead.
Easier said than done.
8:00 – I begin my workday. Lots of emails and jobs to review. If I try to meditate now, all I will think about is what I have to do, so I decide to wait a bit.
9:00 – The doorbell rings and it’s the salesman from Andersen windows to give us a quote on a new sliding glass door. Dog begins to bark madly – no work OR meditation is possible.
10:00 – The window guy leaves and I go to the gym. I figure maybe I’ll do some walking meditation on the elliptical. The first machine I get on keeps shutting down every five minutes so I move. Then a couple of old guys on the stationary bikes behind me decide to have a loud conversation. I finally give up and read my book.
11:00 – I go back to work. If my husband goes ice skating, I will have the house to myself and be able to meditate. He doesn’t.
1:00 – I break for lunch. I’ve heard that one can practice mindfulness meditation while eating, becoming aware of the food one is eating, bite by bite. This sounds dubious at best, bringing to mind the idea of chewing 20 times before swallowing, a practice that makes the texture of the food resemble the stuff I feed Oreo every morning. Somehow this doesn't seem likely to improve my spiritual condition any. So I turn on City Confidential instead and chow down a leftover piece of chicken while watching a story about a murder in a small Texas town. The day is obviously deteriorating.
1:30 – Back to work. I hint to my husband that if he’s going to the gym, he might want to go early since I’m making dinner for 6:00. No response.
3:00 – Falling asleep at my desk so I heat up a cup of coffee.
4:45 – Hubby goes to the gym. Here’s my chance … but it will soon be time to start cooking dinner so there’s no way I can just sit somewhere quietly without thinking of what I’m supposed to be doing. But wait … cooking is one of those things that I love to do. Something I can really get into … something that calms me down after a long crazy day … something I can actually practice MINDFULNESS while doing!
So that’s what I do. I work on creating a spaghetti frittata (except I use leftover penne pasta instead of spaghetti). I assemble my ingredients, chop onions and tomatoes, mix eggs and milk and cheese, add the pasta. I set aside the bowl.
I have a few extra minutes, so I decide to clean a little. Cleaning is another thing that – strange as it sounds – relaxes me. Puts me in a contemplative mood. There’s nothing like shiny small appliances and clean counters to make me feel satisfied. Must be the ghost of my 1950’s mom being channeled through me. I clean the coffee pot till it gleams, brush the crumbs out of the toaster oven and wipe it down, and spray Windex on the backsplash.
I think about my house, how excited I was when we moved here over 12 years ago. The dreams I had, the relief I felt getting off our old block, how OCD I was about organizing my cabinets and drawers. Oh, and how much SPACE I had in this kitchen compared with my old one! And although the appliances have aged and some have been replaced, I still get the same feeling of satisfaction when I enter the kitchen every night to cook dinner.
Kitchen meditation? Maybe I’ve invented something new. Which could be pretty awesome.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Day 9: The Sounds of Silence
Today’s challenge was: Do something by yourself, all alone. … Turn your phone off and go! Be unreachable to the world and reacquaint yourself with yourself!
I figured this one would be a piece of cake. After all, I am alone pretty much all day, every day, at least while my husband is at work. I work for myself, and that works best when there is silence. Hard to focus on editing or writing when music is playing or the TV is on.
But the true question remains: Is that really “quality” silence? Am I ever really “disconnected” – from the Internet, the phone, reading material or (most of all) the committee in my head? (You know the one I mean, the one that meets at 2 AM to review all the things you could have done, have to do, wish you could do, etc.)
And that brings me to the topic of meditation.
Meditation is something that I’ve never quite mastered, like skiing only not as likely to cripple me for life. I have tried it in yoga classes, alone in a room, walking, sitting cross-legged, listening to music … and still I can’t seem to get the hang of it.
So for today’s challenge I thought I would try it again.
---------------------------------------
I opted for walking meditation, which is the type that’s come closest to working for me in the past. The basic idea, according to the website I consulted (see below), is to “use the experience of walking as our focus. We become mindful of our experience while walking, and try to keep our awareness involved with the experience of walking.” It also suggests that we be aware of the things outside ourselves, such as “the wind, the sun, and the rain; and the sounds of nature and of humans and machines.”
(See http://www.wildmind.org/walking/overview - This website is nothing if not practical. For example, they remind me that I should practice walking meditation with my eyes open. Good point, just in case I forgot.)
I turned off my cell phone (though I did slip it into my pocket) and set out. For the first half block my mind was on not getting hit by the speeding cars, so I decided to really start meditating when I reached the quieter side street.
Then I met a friend who stopped to chat. No sweat, I will start meditating right after we finish talking.
Once I was alone again, it was time to focus. In order to quiet the committee, which was already brooding over tonight’s dinner, my Christmas list, and (of course) writing this blog, I decided to use a mantra. One of my favorites is, “Breathe in faith; breathe out fear,” so I began consciously repeating this in my head to drown out the meeting attendees who were busily discussing holiday shopping.
Ah, this is good. Notice the gray clouds rolling by, notice the geese gathered in the field, notice the fallen autumn leaves, notice the stiff breeze … notice the raindrops on the ground. Uh-oh. The raindrops on the ground. I am at the farthest point of my walk – about a mile and a half from home – and it is starting to rain. BREATHE IN FAITH, BREATHE OUT FEAR. It’s only rain, it’s not going to kill me. I have a hat on. I am wearing a hoody. My iPhone is protected in my pocket. All is right with the universe.
Should I turn around or go to my usual stopping point? Turn around now! No, don’t be such a wuss. Turn around – your luck it will start to downpour. No, the sun is trying to poke through the clouds. Turn around … NO. BREATHE IN FAITH DAMMIT AND BREATHE OUT F***ING FEAR!!!!!!
Calming myself, resuming my mantra, and slowing my speeding pace, I went to my usual turnaround spot and headed back. The rain stopped. I smiled. Got back into the rhythmic breathing. Geese. Clouds. Leaves. Breeze.
I started thinking about being by myself. How I pretty much grew up thinking that being alone was the norm, as the only child of an only child and the granddaughter of two strong-minded, independent, entrepreneurial women. And how hard it is for me to understand people who find being alone not only a challenge but a fearful undertaking.
I found myself being grateful for the ability to be comfortable enough in my own skin to spend long stretches of time alone. And about the difference between being alone and being lonely.
There’s a song called “Everywhere I Go, There I Am” that talks about a woman’s attempts to escape her situation by moving elsewhere … except that when she does, she finds that she still has herself to deal with. I think about that feeling – one I’ve had in the past but not for a long, long time. And again I am grateful.
And then I find myself thinking about God (or Higher Power, or Spirit of the Universe, or whatever you care to call him/her/it) and about how God didn’t create us to be miserable.
And that if it is true that we are made in his image, then we are meant to be comfortable with ourselves.
And that being comfortable with ourselves then logically implies that we are comfortable with God.
And that, I believe, is called meditation.
I figured this one would be a piece of cake. After all, I am alone pretty much all day, every day, at least while my husband is at work. I work for myself, and that works best when there is silence. Hard to focus on editing or writing when music is playing or the TV is on.
But the true question remains: Is that really “quality” silence? Am I ever really “disconnected” – from the Internet, the phone, reading material or (most of all) the committee in my head? (You know the one I mean, the one that meets at 2 AM to review all the things you could have done, have to do, wish you could do, etc.)
And that brings me to the topic of meditation.
Meditation is something that I’ve never quite mastered, like skiing only not as likely to cripple me for life. I have tried it in yoga classes, alone in a room, walking, sitting cross-legged, listening to music … and still I can’t seem to get the hang of it.
So for today’s challenge I thought I would try it again.
---------------------------------------
I opted for walking meditation, which is the type that’s come closest to working for me in the past. The basic idea, according to the website I consulted (see below), is to “use the experience of walking as our focus. We become mindful of our experience while walking, and try to keep our awareness involved with the experience of walking.” It also suggests that we be aware of the things outside ourselves, such as “the wind, the sun, and the rain; and the sounds of nature and of humans and machines.”
(See http://www.wildmind.org/walking/overview - This website is nothing if not practical. For example, they remind me that I should practice walking meditation with my eyes open. Good point, just in case I forgot.)
I turned off my cell phone (though I did slip it into my pocket) and set out. For the first half block my mind was on not getting hit by the speeding cars, so I decided to really start meditating when I reached the quieter side street.
Then I met a friend who stopped to chat. No sweat, I will start meditating right after we finish talking.
Once I was alone again, it was time to focus. In order to quiet the committee, which was already brooding over tonight’s dinner, my Christmas list, and (of course) writing this blog, I decided to use a mantra. One of my favorites is, “Breathe in faith; breathe out fear,” so I began consciously repeating this in my head to drown out the meeting attendees who were busily discussing holiday shopping.
Ah, this is good. Notice the gray clouds rolling by, notice the geese gathered in the field, notice the fallen autumn leaves, notice the stiff breeze … notice the raindrops on the ground. Uh-oh. The raindrops on the ground. I am at the farthest point of my walk – about a mile and a half from home – and it is starting to rain. BREATHE IN FAITH, BREATHE OUT FEAR. It’s only rain, it’s not going to kill me. I have a hat on. I am wearing a hoody. My iPhone is protected in my pocket. All is right with the universe.
Should I turn around or go to my usual stopping point? Turn around now! No, don’t be such a wuss. Turn around – your luck it will start to downpour. No, the sun is trying to poke through the clouds. Turn around … NO. BREATHE IN FAITH DAMMIT AND BREATHE OUT F***ING FEAR!!!!!!
Calming myself, resuming my mantra, and slowing my speeding pace, I went to my usual turnaround spot and headed back. The rain stopped. I smiled. Got back into the rhythmic breathing. Geese. Clouds. Leaves. Breeze.
I started thinking about being by myself. How I pretty much grew up thinking that being alone was the norm, as the only child of an only child and the granddaughter of two strong-minded, independent, entrepreneurial women. And how hard it is for me to understand people who find being alone not only a challenge but a fearful undertaking.
I found myself being grateful for the ability to be comfortable enough in my own skin to spend long stretches of time alone. And about the difference between being alone and being lonely.
There’s a song called “Everywhere I Go, There I Am” that talks about a woman’s attempts to escape her situation by moving elsewhere … except that when she does, she finds that she still has herself to deal with. I think about that feeling – one I’ve had in the past but not for a long, long time. And again I am grateful.
And then I find myself thinking about God (or Higher Power, or Spirit of the Universe, or whatever you care to call him/her/it) and about how God didn’t create us to be miserable.
And that if it is true that we are made in his image, then we are meant to be comfortable with ourselves.
And that being comfortable with ourselves then logically implies that we are comfortable with God.
And that, I believe, is called meditation.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Day 7: Surprise! Surprise!
In the original Day 7 as introduced by Ryan, the task was to surprise a friend.
But for some reason, this task makes me very uncomfortable. Maybe because surprises have usually not had positive outcomes in the past. I used to amuse myself by trying to thwart the efforts of my friends trying to plan surprise parties for me. Until one night it blew up in my face and I didn’t speak to my friends for about a year.
Maybe because the thought of “dropping in” on someone makes me squirm. It calls to mind the time we dropped in on my aunt and she was serving pea soup to her family. She “stretched” the recipe so the three of us could join them for dinner. The resulting experience can only be described as Dickensian. (“Please sir … can I have more?”)
So I brooded and thought hard about what kind of surprise I might feel comfortable with and that could turn out to be totally awesome.
Spontaneity: That was what I decided would be a better goal for me to shoot for. Especially after yesterday’s difficult time following directions and letting someone else drive the bus.
So even though I had intended to push for a hike at Sleeping Giant today, we ended up doing three awesome things instead:
1. Buying our fall mums, pumpkins and other decorations and sprucing up the outside of the house.
2. Attending the Southington Apple Harvest Fair, eating pizza at Connecticut's #1 wood-fired pizza restaurant, and watching a parade.
3. Finding out about the Fall Renaissance Festival’s Pet Day on October 24 and making plans to buy the perfect costume to embarrass Oreo.
It actually turned out to be a great day, one without a bit of planning, which just may be the biggest surprise of all!
But for some reason, this task makes me very uncomfortable. Maybe because surprises have usually not had positive outcomes in the past. I used to amuse myself by trying to thwart the efforts of my friends trying to plan surprise parties for me. Until one night it blew up in my face and I didn’t speak to my friends for about a year.
Maybe because the thought of “dropping in” on someone makes me squirm. It calls to mind the time we dropped in on my aunt and she was serving pea soup to her family. She “stretched” the recipe so the three of us could join them for dinner. The resulting experience can only be described as Dickensian. (“Please sir … can I have more?”)
So I brooded and thought hard about what kind of surprise I might feel comfortable with and that could turn out to be totally awesome.
Spontaneity: That was what I decided would be a better goal for me to shoot for. Especially after yesterday’s difficult time following directions and letting someone else drive the bus.
So even though I had intended to push for a hike at Sleeping Giant today, we ended up doing three awesome things instead:
1. Buying our fall mums, pumpkins and other decorations and sprucing up the outside of the house.
2. Attending the Southington Apple Harvest Fair, eating pizza at Connecticut's #1 wood-fired pizza restaurant, and watching a parade.
3. Finding out about the Fall Renaissance Festival’s Pet Day on October 24 and making plans to buy the perfect costume to embarrass Oreo.
It actually turned out to be a great day, one without a bit of planning, which just may be the biggest surprise of all!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
100 Days of Awesome Day 6: Follow the Directions Because You Are Not in Control
Ah, a lesson in control. Always appropriate in my world! Although Ryan chose to follow the directions of a recipe to the “T” I realized that this wouldn’t work for me for a couple of reasons. First, I’m on vacation and I won’t be cooking tonight. And second, I am an avid cook and pretty much follow the recipes specifically anyway. So the recipe angle would not present much of a challenge.
However, that is not to say that I always follow directions. Far from it! And following directions that someone else suggests (that is, a real person sitting next to me and not some anonymous person at Google Maps, for example) is definitely not my forte. I’m pretty sure the definition of “Back Seat Driver” has my picture next to it.
Today’s plans, now that the sun is finally out, are to bicycle and geocache along a rail trail from Moosup, CT to Greene, RI (approximately 23 miles round-trip). This should provide me with plenty of opportunities to relinquish control, follow directions and let someone else take charge. And since my geocaching partner and I have been known to have some nasty disagreements in thickly wooded places, that should add yet another interesting layer to this awesome day. Wish me luck!
--------------------------------------
I learned some interesting things about following directions today:
1. The directions are not always right.
2. The people who write directions tend to inject their opinions into what should be objective.
3. Doing things someone else’s way can make you crazy if that person’s mind keeps changing.
Just like everything else in life, following directions is not a 100% foolproof method.
If we’d followed the directions given by Google Maps to reach McDonald’s, we would have made an illegal left turn and driven into oncoming traffic (see #1 above).
By following the directions given in one of our caches (a hint that read: “3 feet high”), we failed to find an item that we found out later required one to climb a tree (see # 2 above). I have no explanation for that except that the person writing the directions must have been having one of those Alice-in-Wonderland moments when he wrote it.
And as for #3 … well, it would appear that “balance” is once again the operative word.
So my conclusion at the end of this awesomely confusing day is: When all else fails, read the directions.
However, that is not to say that I always follow directions. Far from it! And following directions that someone else suggests (that is, a real person sitting next to me and not some anonymous person at Google Maps, for example) is definitely not my forte. I’m pretty sure the definition of “Back Seat Driver” has my picture next to it.
Today’s plans, now that the sun is finally out, are to bicycle and geocache along a rail trail from Moosup, CT to Greene, RI (approximately 23 miles round-trip). This should provide me with plenty of opportunities to relinquish control, follow directions and let someone else take charge. And since my geocaching partner and I have been known to have some nasty disagreements in thickly wooded places, that should add yet another interesting layer to this awesome day. Wish me luck!
--------------------------------------
I learned some interesting things about following directions today:
1. The directions are not always right.
2. The people who write directions tend to inject their opinions into what should be objective.
3. Doing things someone else’s way can make you crazy if that person’s mind keeps changing.
Just like everything else in life, following directions is not a 100% foolproof method.
If we’d followed the directions given by Google Maps to reach McDonald’s, we would have made an illegal left turn and driven into oncoming traffic (see #1 above).
By following the directions given in one of our caches (a hint that read: “3 feet high”), we failed to find an item that we found out later required one to climb a tree (see # 2 above). I have no explanation for that except that the person writing the directions must have been having one of those Alice-in-Wonderland moments when he wrote it.
And as for #3 … well, it would appear that “balance” is once again the operative word.
So my conclusion at the end of this awesomely confusing day is: When all else fails, read the directions.
Friday, October 1, 2010
100 Days of Awesome Day 5 & Day 10
Day 5: Just (Don't) Say "NO" and Day 10: Positivity
First a quote from Ryan’s blog:
“It's so easy to get discouraged with everyday stress and third party negativity. If you forget to let good thoughts be your sword and shield then you are going into battle unprepared.
“It's so AWESOME to be positive! Misery loves company, but you don't have to be its date!”
-----------------------------------
Since I’m still in catch-up mode, it makes sense to me to combine “a day without no” with a day of positive thoughts. And the line from Ryan’s blog that I quoted above has given me inspiration.
After 12 hours of sleep, punctuated by a 1 AM upset stomach, no doubt stress related (though I have my doubts about the Whole Foods rotisserie chicken – when I shock my body with foods that are free of all impurities, it tends to rebel), I awoke to a miserable, rainy day. Still mourning my lost vacation, I wanted to just roll over and shoot for another 12, but my dog was doing that dog thing. You know: Staring. Whimpering. Pacing. Everything short of saying “Yo, I’m hungry and I’ve gotta pee! Get out of bed!”
So I reluctantly did my morning routine: Stretch. Pee. Brush teeth. Wash face. (Not a lot different from the dog, now that I think about it.) Went downstairs, poured coffee, shoveled out dog food. Hubby was good enough to brave the rain with Oreo so I got to check the computer and be alone with my thoughts for a while.
OK, so how to salvage this un-vacation weekend. First of all, I do not want to be in the house another day. So we discussed lunch and a movie. Sounds good for starters. I didn’t say no to either idea. And thinking of both did wonders to raise my spirits. Starting off on a good foot …
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We decided on an 11:30 AM show. Two benefits: Cheaper seats and an empty theater. While Joe waited for overpriced popcorn, I noticed a Starbucks counter and availed myself of their overpriced caramel latte, smiling positively the entire time.
Sure enough, we were one of only three people in the theater. Sat down and five minutes later another couple came in … and sat down two seats away from us. Immediately negative thoughts flooded my mind: Are they going to try to rip us off? Why would someone sit two seats away from us when there is an entire empty theater? I whispered my concern to my husband, who just shrugged. I decided to think positively. Perhaps they were agoraphobic and didn’t like the feeling of being in a big empty room.
The movie was a good one: The Social Network. All about the early days of Facebook – a subject I could definitely relate to. Afterward, we went to lunch at the Black Bear Saloon. Also a good pick. The positive mood is going strong. Not much reason to use the “N” word either, except to say “No thank you” when asked if I’d like to order dessert.
When we left the mall, the rain had stopped so we decided to engage in our favorite pursuit: geocaching! This would surely be a test of my positivity!
Our first attempt netted a DNF (that’s “Did Not Find” for those of you who are not geocachers). Poking around a wet bench in a very public area of West Haven, looking for a small magnetic container was bad enough. The fact that it started raining again was worse. Feeling a small bit of nasty coming on, we returned to the car.
On to cache # 2, this time at a popular park that we figured would be empty in the rain. Wrong. A bunch of teens and their dogs were hanging around the spot we needed to be, so again we returned to the car without even searching. Now my inner bitch was seething. Screaming “NOOOOOOOOO!” loudly in my head. So as I got into the car, I slammed the door shut and said, “I’m angry and I have to vent! I’m angry that we didn’t go to New Hampshire. I’m angry that we’re geocaching in West Haven instead of the White Mountains. And I’m angry that it’s still raining!” There. I managed to say all of that without saying “no” even once. And getting all that negative energy out also let me turn my attitude around and get more positive.
From there, the rest of the geocaching adventure went a lot better. I even knew when to call it quits and go home. And we were able to choose a restaurant for the evening and plan tomorrow without argument.
This was definitely one of my more successful and awesome days thus far! But importantly, I learned that it wasn’t enough to put on a happy face and “stuff” the negative feelings, but instead to express them quickly and move on.
First a quote from Ryan’s blog:
“It's so easy to get discouraged with everyday stress and third party negativity. If you forget to let good thoughts be your sword and shield then you are going into battle unprepared.
“It's so AWESOME to be positive! Misery loves company, but you don't have to be its date!”
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Since I’m still in catch-up mode, it makes sense to me to combine “a day without no” with a day of positive thoughts. And the line from Ryan’s blog that I quoted above has given me inspiration.
After 12 hours of sleep, punctuated by a 1 AM upset stomach, no doubt stress related (though I have my doubts about the Whole Foods rotisserie chicken – when I shock my body with foods that are free of all impurities, it tends to rebel), I awoke to a miserable, rainy day. Still mourning my lost vacation, I wanted to just roll over and shoot for another 12, but my dog was doing that dog thing. You know: Staring. Whimpering. Pacing. Everything short of saying “Yo, I’m hungry and I’ve gotta pee! Get out of bed!”
So I reluctantly did my morning routine: Stretch. Pee. Brush teeth. Wash face. (Not a lot different from the dog, now that I think about it.) Went downstairs, poured coffee, shoveled out dog food. Hubby was good enough to brave the rain with Oreo so I got to check the computer and be alone with my thoughts for a while.
OK, so how to salvage this un-vacation weekend. First of all, I do not want to be in the house another day. So we discussed lunch and a movie. Sounds good for starters. I didn’t say no to either idea. And thinking of both did wonders to raise my spirits. Starting off on a good foot …
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We decided on an 11:30 AM show. Two benefits: Cheaper seats and an empty theater. While Joe waited for overpriced popcorn, I noticed a Starbucks counter and availed myself of their overpriced caramel latte, smiling positively the entire time.
Sure enough, we were one of only three people in the theater. Sat down and five minutes later another couple came in … and sat down two seats away from us. Immediately negative thoughts flooded my mind: Are they going to try to rip us off? Why would someone sit two seats away from us when there is an entire empty theater? I whispered my concern to my husband, who just shrugged. I decided to think positively. Perhaps they were agoraphobic and didn’t like the feeling of being in a big empty room.
The movie was a good one: The Social Network. All about the early days of Facebook – a subject I could definitely relate to. Afterward, we went to lunch at the Black Bear Saloon. Also a good pick. The positive mood is going strong. Not much reason to use the “N” word either, except to say “No thank you” when asked if I’d like to order dessert.
When we left the mall, the rain had stopped so we decided to engage in our favorite pursuit: geocaching! This would surely be a test of my positivity!
Our first attempt netted a DNF (that’s “Did Not Find” for those of you who are not geocachers). Poking around a wet bench in a very public area of West Haven, looking for a small magnetic container was bad enough. The fact that it started raining again was worse. Feeling a small bit of nasty coming on, we returned to the car.
On to cache # 2, this time at a popular park that we figured would be empty in the rain. Wrong. A bunch of teens and their dogs were hanging around the spot we needed to be, so again we returned to the car without even searching. Now my inner bitch was seething. Screaming “NOOOOOOOOO!” loudly in my head. So as I got into the car, I slammed the door shut and said, “I’m angry and I have to vent! I’m angry that we didn’t go to New Hampshire. I’m angry that we’re geocaching in West Haven instead of the White Mountains. And I’m angry that it’s still raining!” There. I managed to say all of that without saying “no” even once. And getting all that negative energy out also let me turn my attitude around and get more positive.
From there, the rest of the geocaching adventure went a lot better. I even knew when to call it quits and go home. And we were able to choose a restaurant for the evening and plan tomorrow without argument.
This was definitely one of my more successful and awesome days thus far! But importantly, I learned that it wasn’t enough to put on a happy face and “stuff” the negative feelings, but instead to express them quickly and move on.
100 Days of Awesome Day 4: Compliment Everyone
I am feeling anything but awesome today. Our vacation plans were thwarted by Mother Nature, and I am having a hard time accepting. I am angry as can be, but it’s that kind of anger I can do nothing with. (Yell at God? Yeah, that’s effective.)
So the last thing I wanted to do today was spread cheer among my fellow humans by peppering my conversation with compliments. Ugh. But I committed myself to this path, and no matter how hard the trudge, I must forge ahead. (I would rather be trudging up a mountain in New Hampshire, but I’m not … see paragraph 1. But I digress.)
First thing this morning, I had the opportunity to moderate a meeting of about 20 people. Rather than tell each person individually how wonderful they were (or that they were wearing nice clothes or their hair looked good or whatever), I just made a blanket statement at the end, telling them how they helped to make my day better.
When I got to the gym, I noticed someone had left their car headlights on. Remembering the hard time I had yesterday with random acts of kindness, I made sure to alert the front desk staff about the lights. Figured that made up for yesterday’s dog-walking disaster.
On the way home from the gym, I decided to stop at Dunkin Donuts for a large iced caramel latte. (When life gives you lemons, get one of those. It’s a lot better than lemonade.) I recalled that one of the items in my “100 most awesome people” list was the person who makes the best DD coffee, so when I was handed my cup, I thanked the cashier and told her that this location makes the finest coffee of any DDs. She seemed genuinely thrilled to hear that, and it made me smile.
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Sadly, this was my last brush with civilization for the day, so did not have any more opportunities to compliment anyone, except online. Does that count? I probably said a few encouraging things via email. For the record, I was in bed by 8:30 and didn’t get up till 9 the next morning. I will attempt to incorporate some compliments into my next awesome day.
So the last thing I wanted to do today was spread cheer among my fellow humans by peppering my conversation with compliments. Ugh. But I committed myself to this path, and no matter how hard the trudge, I must forge ahead. (I would rather be trudging up a mountain in New Hampshire, but I’m not … see paragraph 1. But I digress.)
First thing this morning, I had the opportunity to moderate a meeting of about 20 people. Rather than tell each person individually how wonderful they were (or that they were wearing nice clothes or their hair looked good or whatever), I just made a blanket statement at the end, telling them how they helped to make my day better.
When I got to the gym, I noticed someone had left their car headlights on. Remembering the hard time I had yesterday with random acts of kindness, I made sure to alert the front desk staff about the lights. Figured that made up for yesterday’s dog-walking disaster.
On the way home from the gym, I decided to stop at Dunkin Donuts for a large iced caramel latte. (When life gives you lemons, get one of those. It’s a lot better than lemonade.) I recalled that one of the items in my “100 most awesome people” list was the person who makes the best DD coffee, so when I was handed my cup, I thanked the cashier and told her that this location makes the finest coffee of any DDs. She seemed genuinely thrilled to hear that, and it made me smile.
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Sadly, this was my last brush with civilization for the day, so did not have any more opportunities to compliment anyone, except online. Does that count? I probably said a few encouraging things via email. For the record, I was in bed by 8:30 and didn’t get up till 9 the next morning. I will attempt to incorporate some compliments into my next awesome day.
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